If I can't swim - how will I ever race?

Although I had spent months that summer learning how to run and getting back to riding on my 25 year old steel bicycle - my triathlon journey officially began on a cool morning on the 20th of September 2012.  I arrived at the YMCA at 5:40AM for the very first swim practice of my life.  To say that I was apprehensive is an understatement.  Up until that month I had never swam more than the length of a pool, was relatively scared of putting my face in the water.  I was both embarrased by this fact and excited by the prospect of taking on such a challenge.

My reality was that I was capable of treading water, but I was equally as scared of making a fool of myself as I was of the seemingly real possibility that I would never be able to swim at all.  I had put the idea of swimming in a race very far from my mind.

In preparation for the Triathlon Swim program at the YMCA, I had decided weeks before to extend my research to the many online learn to swim resources available.  I watched videos on YouTube and read article after article.  Each day I would go to the pool and experiment with the drills I had seen.  A few weeks later, much to my relief, I was able to move across the pool in a front crawl position.  It was not pretty at all, and utterly exhausting - but I had a start.  I remember telling my wife with a hint of excitement that "I think I may be able to do this".

This notion would be put to the test quite a few times in the weeks ahead as I struggled desperately to move back and forth across the pool at a fraction of the pace of the other participants - struggling to make even the smallest improvements in either my form, speed or swim fitness.  The celebrations were few and far between.  I got minimal feedback from the coaches, as there was so much to fix.  They likely expected a higher minimum swim standard and were not able to spend much time fixing major issues in body position and overall technique.  Surviving the one hour swim was extremely difficult.  I swallowed water, felt incompetent and was lost in swim coach jargon most of the time.  But, despite it all - I didn't give up.  I attended 80% of the practices and continued to do technique research online and extra swimming at lunch whenever I could. I'm sure it wasn't pretty, but on January 29, 2013 I swam my first continuous 750 meters - the necessary Sprint Triathlon distance.  It had taken 5 months of focused effort, but I finally let the idea of swimming in a race creep back into my mind again.  Perhaps I could do this.

Is Participation Enough?

I ignored my 1st place position in my age group that day.  It was a genuine accomplishment to run the entire race without stopping - even though I so desperately wanted to walk several times. Upon reflection I realized that I refuse to think of myself as only being a relevant competitor when compared to the smaller group of my age-group peers. Some part of me burns to be at the front of the pack, or at least some kind of a threat.  For that reason, I guess I'd be called competitive. I don't think it is meant by others in a pejorative sense - but I don't fully embrace that label. Whatever that drive is to overcome the competition - the truth is that at my age (or perhaps any age) I am mostly desperate to be relevant. I want, or perhaps need to be seen as a competitor, not just a participant.  I don't know whether that is healthy or not. I suspect that the pursuit of excellence in all its forms is the purest drive for the podium.  But for now, my desperation helps to give me the motivation I need on the days that it is so very hard to even show up.  On the days I show up, it gives me the strength to give whatever I have that day.  On the rare days that I'm full of energy and feel healthy and strong - it gives me the drive to push past the limits of the week before. 

I recognize and admire the many stories of those who overcome tremendous challenges in order to complete the race, or achieve their personal best. I stand in awe and admiration for those true champions - but I find it difficult to appreciate the same for myself.  Perhaps as I learn and grow I can add a bigger sense of personal satisfaction for those accomplishments.  In the meantime, I will seek to push myself to discover my limits.  I will harness that desperation, a commitment to excellence and whatever sense of personal satisfaction I can muster to become a better triathlete and a better person.

Running Through the Learning Pain

Getting off the couch to run again after a break of almost 25 years.

It was the spring of 2012.  The snow in Calgary had finally receded, and I had a pair of Puma running shoes from the second hand store down the street.  I was ready to go for a run.  

The last time I had run with any consistency was back in highschool 25 years earlier. As I took a few steps, it truly felt like it.  I wasn't overweight, so I expected to spend a few months ramping into a more intense training regimen.  I was very wrong.  I knew enough to be cautious but I did not expect the kind of constant pain that accompanied most of my runs. I completely underestimated how much time and effort it would take for my muscles, ligaments, joints, tendons and bones to strengthen and adapt to the new demands. I began to wonder how on earth anybody ever enjoyed running.  The thought of 'runners high' was completely foreign through this period.  I struggled.  I hated it at times. I wanted to quit frequently.  On some days I did.  Mostly, I stuck with it.  I had good reasons, and they carried me when my drive would wane.

After months of working through the almost constant pain and discomfort during the summer of 2012, things finally started to come together.  I was running a few times each week. I frequently had to rest for several days for the pain in my shins, hips, back or feet was simply too great. Recovery runs or days off seemed more frequent than anything I'd call a real workout.  I signed up for a crossfit class to help prepare for a Spartan Race. It's good to have a goal or a race to focus on - and people around to push you.

In the midst of it all I learned how to change my stride, and purchased my first pair of real running shoes. The first time I ran in them I was almost giddy.  The simple experience was memorable.  I can remember exactly how it felt.  I wanted to keep running.

I became more aware of what I was eating, and fruits & vegetables appeared more frequently on the plate. I began to experiment with Intermittent Fasting as a method of health promotion and weight reduction.  It would be the end of 2012 before I committed to a regimen that would help me drop over 20 pounds of fat and mentally rebound.

By late summer I started running a 3K circuit with my 14 year old son to help him prepare for the upcoming cross country season. It had some hills, so I couldn't run the entire route from the house to the park and back without some short walking breaks. My initial time was just over 19 minutes.  

Just two-and-a-half months later I would turn up for the Thanksgiving Day 5K Fun run and post a respectable time of 20:53. 

9th Overall  |

20:53.6   |

4:11

|     20:51.2

|   #2311   |

Sean

YOUNG

Calgary, AB

M

M40-49

8/126

1/26

It was a fun race, and my effort was good enough to place 9th out of 126 male and female runners that day. Although the course may have been closer to 4.5K, as they lengthened it the following year, I was happy and surprised by how well I did for having training for such a relatively short number of months. I still felt out of place. I was not a runner. I was just somebody who showed up with a bit of fitness, and covered the course. In my mind, I didn't deserve the title yet.  It didn't matter though.  I was just glad to be running pain free.

Though I wasn't a runner in my mind, my competitive fire was stoked.  That season I learned that for me, participation isn't always enough.

Every triathlon journey begins with a step... and a decision

It was less than 2 years ago that I sat facing the reality that painful joints and chronic health issues would plague me for the balance of my life.  I had been living with a steady increase in painful aches throughout my body whenever I tried to get up or move around too much.  Frequent lower back pain made it very difficult to sit at my desk to work and made me wonder how I felt like I was 70 years old before my time.  Being in my early 40's I remember the words of my family doctor ringing in my ears "The images show deterioration of the joint cartilage in your hips.  It's the most I've seen in someone your age".  What do I do?  "You may want to try glucosamine - it's not proven, but it may be worth a try."  That's it?  

How did I get Here?

At 5'8" and ~170 lbs I was not terribly overweight, but I sure felt it.  How did I get here?  It was just yesterday that I was healthy, active and energetic all the time.  This health conversation was layered atop another story that laid awake in the back of my mind. It was one that I had witnessed, yet felt completely helpless to change.  I had spent the last few years watching my father decline mentally and physically far before his time.  His poor habits and inactivity seemed to be catching up with him all at once.  Perhaps I was on my way too.  Perhaps far sooner.

I don't remember how many months after the discussion with my doctor it would be before I would make my decision, but I finally did.  During the summer of 2012 I would decide that I wanted to try and participate in a triathlon.  I had thought of the idea before over the years, but my lack of any ability to swim quickly put the idea from my mind.  I had hardly been on a bike for over 20 years, and it was so physically uncomfortable to run that I had abandoned the idea many years before, save for a few ambitious attempts to try it every few years.  Such efforts would generally last for a few weeks before all the enjoyment was painfully stripped away.  

I would figure it out.

For whatever reason this time, something told me that none of that mattered, nor did it matter that I couldn't swim.  I would figure it out. Somehow I would figure it out.  I remember two ideas that were stuck in my head that helped me to move forward and make the decision:

1/ I remembered from my youth that you could 'have a goal without knowing how you were going to accomplish it', and;

2/ 'If you don't use it, you'll lose it'.  I needed to put my body to use, or I was surely going to have its ability stripped away from me.  Despite the arthritis and the long list of regular infections and health issues - I was going to do this.  Somehow I was going to do this.  

You've Gotta Strive for Something.

Along with the prospect of early physical, and possible mental decline along with it - I also remember thinking that I needed a really worthwhile goal.  I wanted to regularly achieve something notable, something difficult, something that I really wasn't sure I could achieve, something that would inspire me to overcome the obstacles that appeared daunting in my mind.  I can recall being somewhat buoyed by the completion of a karate black belt earlier that year. An accomplishment that was 25 years in the making, but one that was made all the more meaningful by my dedicated hard work, consistent focus and regular physio visits over the previous few years. Part of me is ashamed of how long it took me, but mostly I am proud of the perseverance that I was able to find.

Knowledge + Effort Changes Everything

I don't know what date I made the final decision to complete a triathlon. I think I played with the idea without telling anyone for at least several months that summer of 2012.  I started going for runs once again. I bought a few different pairs of runners at the local second-hand clothing store.  I had never owned a pair of new proper running shoes before, and I really had no idea what I was looking for.  For quite a few months of semi-regular effort I endured the pain of aching feet, shin splints and regular lower back strain.  I made good use of the putters in my office that had frequently played a dual role as both club and cane.  I donated back to the second-hand store one pair of shoes after another out of the mistaken belief that they were the source of my pain. Eventually I started researching online.  I learned about running shoes, I watched videos about running position and stride.  I was astounded by what I learned.  Even though I had done some running back in highschool, I had to teach myself how to run all over again.  I was surprised at my ignorance. Every month that went forward, I was humbled in the face of my ignorance.  I knew so little, and what I thought I knew was either partially wrong, or completely so.  Despite this, there were a few things that served me well:

1/ I had grown fed up.  I was not going to live my life like this and something was going to change.

2/ I was willing to accept that I knew very little - so I was like an empty vessel.  I had much to learn.

3/ I believed in the adage - 'Listen to everyone.  Believe no one'. This drove me to take the vast and often contradictory advice, pseudo-science and specialized research and put it to the test first-hand.  From my professional work in the field of innovation - I had learned to experiment;  to rapidly iterate, explore, adopt, combine and discard as needed.  Along with a deepening commitment to research, document and debate different ideas, I was able to rather quickly identify strategies that worked for me. Many were mainstream, and some were not.  I was beginning to learn how to navigate the foreign territory in which I had placed myself.  I would need to, as the journey ahead would require it.

At the beginning of my journey my first challenge was Running Through the Learning Pain.